I had a moment today where I was in a delicate balance: it seemed that on the one hand, I feel in the “wrong” place and on the other, I know that I can persevere when things are uneasy.
That “wrong” place is a fairly nebulous feeling right now. It’s a sense of “not quite right” more than anything else. I don’t wish harm for any one or anything. I do want good for those around me. And yet, at times, it seems that I am being pushed somewhere else. Not sure where that is… is it a different geographic locale? a different living situation? or a different attitude to the present location and circumstance.
Is it a reaction to so many changes in a relatively short time? Is it a reaction to not changing some things for far too long?
I find myself needing closer emotional connections. I find that this is difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish in some of my relationships. So – do I move on? do I hurl myself in full force and see what happens? How to get past the belief that it won’t change?
At mass this morning, Fr. Marty talked about Advent being a time of watching so that we can be ready to serve – ready to imitate the Christ child. Be Alert! And, it struck me that little things add up when you are alert. Helping a physically challenged man try to light his cigarette in a windy parking lot; talking with a gentleman in the Walmart as he asked questions about whether or not he needed to put something under the candles he was buying when he burned them. (we ran into each other several times in the store). Picking angels from the Angel Tree at church. Just being present.