Today is Palm Sunday. Today at mass we listen and participate in the reading of the Passion — of the final hours of Jesus of Nazareth. As Christians we know that whole story.
But, what of the expectations of those who didn’t already know? What of the expectations we have of others and ourselves — because we don’t know the whole story?
As I understand it, Judas expected Jesus to save himself. He did not expect that his betrayal would lead to Jesus’ death. He expected something different to happen. I suppose he might have thought he was giving Jesus the chance to be the militant, powerful Messiah that he expected. And then we read that when Judas saw what actually happened, he tried giving back the money. He couldn’t live with himself and he hung himself.
Peter expected that he would never deny Jesus. He was sure of himself. And yet, when the time came, he did just as Jesus predicted and denied knowing Jesus 3 times before the cock crowed. He wept bitterly. But, he hung in there and became a great witness.
This spring I have lost at least 3 people that would be counted as family. Unexpected. One fell, broke a hip which could not be fixed. It wound up ending her time here on earth. Unexpected. One took her own life. Not what you expect of the mother of a preschooler. Unexpected. One suffered a massive heart attack, only a week after having seen his heart doctor. Unexpected. I could rant against a system that let a woman fall and break her hip. I could be truly angry that a young woman would hurt so bad that she would end it all. I could be angry that a loved one didn’t manage to take better care of himself (as if that would have fixed everything). But, those were my expectations for them. Not God’s.
It’s hard not to have expectations of oneself and of others. It’s hard not to be angry and upset when we or others fail to live up to those expectations. But, I noticed in the Gospel reading today that even when Jesus knew that Judas would go and betray him, He called him “Friend” — “Friend, go and do what you must.” Friend. Think of that. He knew that a lot of pain was coming — for himself, for Judas, for others around. And He called him “Friend.”
So, I seek to look beyond my expectations of myself and others. I seek to live beyond my expectations to accept and love myself and others when they don’t live up to my expectations for them. And I’ll walk through this Holy Week looking to see beyond, and trying to accept reality. And love it.