by Liz | May 20, 2009 | main
I was reading Susan’s post this morning ( Portrait of Ourselves ) — I don’t think I have ever been so self-assured. My mistakes or missteps are more often because of being so uncertain that my view of the world is right or has any value. That may have saved me from some missteps – but it certainly has caused many others.
I am only getting to the point of “I will no longer serve that which I no longer believe in…” only in my 6th decade. Only now am I beginning to be brave enough to figure out what I no longer believe in. There are things that I have never believed in, true. But, there are some things that I have to look in the mirror and say “Honey – give it up. You just don’t believe that. Not now.” And that is rather scary to me.
I discover these things about myself often through reading – through characters I find in novels. The authors that put those stories into words do affect me by letting the characters speak and act.
Thanks Susan for the reflection — and for the focus it helps to bring to my own discovery process.
by Liz | Aug 10, 2008 | main
Graduation took less than 2 hours. No guest speaker. New PhD’s hooded all together at the same time. But, every name got called, and it was streamed over the internet, so my mom got to watch Daniel cross the stage. She probably had a better view than I did. It’s done. The cap and gown turned in and the diploma picked up.
In the car going over to campus, (6 of us crammed into a Forerunner that could actually handle 5), my daughter made a comment about all 3 of them now being college grads. The tears welled up in me. Tears of pride. Tears of joy. Tears of loss. You spend their childhood preparing them to grow up and leave and have their own lives. You pray over them, yell at them, hug them and cry for and with them. You wonder if they will ever grow up!
And then they do. The chicks leave the nest under the power of their own wings. And, you cry, just a few tears, once again.
God has no grandchildren. I know that they are just as much “child of God” as I am.
Just as happens over and over again, a new day is dawning. I wonder what it will bring.
by Liz | Aug 9, 2008 | main
My youngest child graduates from college this afternoon. He’ll be moving on to another city, probably on Sunday. The last chick to leave the nest – well, he’s not lived under our roof for several years, but he’s been right here in town. Change.
My oldest child is within the 2 week window of expecting his second child. They live 8 hours away, so I don’t see them nearly as much as I would like. And although their lives changed a lot in one year with a wedding and baby and a new job in a new town, it’s about to change again.
And in the middle, my daughter and her husband are in the process of moving. They both have jobs in the new location, but they still have a house to sell (Anyone looking to buy in Northport AL?), so they split their time between locations. He’s been at his new job for several months, she for about two weeks. Constant change.
And so, it was nice to sit last night, with the graduate and his girlfriend, the daughter and son-in-law, JP and myself (and the 4 dogs that are associated with all these folks) and listen to the conversation. To eat hamburgers and beer. To watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympic games. It was so nice to hear the banter between these “children” (who are old enough to have children of their own) share and argue a bit and just be together.
It seems maybe we did something right over the past 30 years… but, really – maybe we are just blessed through no fault of our own.
by Liz | Aug 7, 2008 | main
I was over at Creo en Dios! a few days ago catching up (I’ve been away at a conference). I took the time to listen to Susan’s latest podcast, Myth’s We Live With. I’m so glad that Susan took the time to create this and post it. When she gave the retreat, I must admit to a bit of unhappiness that I wouldn’t be a participant. I wanted to hear the part about “I am not my personality.” And, now, I get the podcast. Yeah!
I am not my personality
Just what might that mean? I’ve chewed on it for months now. And, in listening to the podcast, I suddenly had an image that made sense. I’ve got to reframe the issue in what might seem a minor way, but it is so enormous in the understanding. If I feel fear, or anger or even compassion those emotions are not me – they tell me something about my current situation. It’s another one of those statements that has take me years to begin to comprehend.
The image that shines out is the idea that the personality (how I appear outwardly) as a sort of a cast – a temporary cast, I hope. That outward expression (personality) is in many ways a protection for those places where I am most vulnerable and most unsure. It seems that indeed, this cast is a transitional form. I’ve seen it change as I have walked this journey and come to know and trust myself more. My response to situations and people has changed.
Or so I thought — until I got a verbal “dope-slap” the other day. Yanked me right up, made me very uncomfortable, elicited a response of my own of “I don’t like you right now.” But wait — I survived, I am still here. I could look at what was said, accept it (or not), listen to how I felt, and go on. I haven’t obsessed over someone else viewing clearly the imperfect way I deal with life (in the past this sort of thing would have caused anxiety and sleepless nights).
Hmmm… maybe some of cast is ready to be removed.
by Liz | Jul 27, 2008 | main
OK – so I’ll borrow from today’s homily: choices. After Jesus tells the parables, he asks “Do you understand these things?” and the disciples answer “yes.” And Jesus tells them they must make a choice. We were then challenged: When will you own your own Christianity? (and not come to church because someone else thinks you should)… Will you make the choice to take ownership of your faith. (apologies Jack, if I got this all wrong)
Oh, but I so often, just when I think I could answer “Yes, I understand” it’s really that I don’t understand. If I’d really understood, I’m not sure I’d have gotten married, or had my first child. It would have scared me too much to go through with being baptized (I was 13) had I understood more than I did. It would have been beyond me to say “yes” if I’d had that much understanding before I stepped out and took action.
Of late, the scriptures have touched me in ways that make me understand that I just didn’t understand before. That’s kind of scary, because, if I follow the logic, then I probably don’t understand yet… or rather, I will likely come to a new understanding as I follow this walk. I’m beginning to appreciate that all I can understand is that a “Yes” means only that I understand that what comes next will work to good without any real comprehension of what might be required of me.
And so, I sat this morning and wondered just what those disciples thought they understood. And, what did they think later when they reflected on the choice they made?
