by Liz | Nov 20, 2008 | main
Yesterday was the first day in 3 weeks that I didn’t even think about taking something to make me feel more comfortable in the afternoon… (I had some surgery a little over 3 weeks ago). I’m off the antibiotics, and the stitches, for the most part seem to be healing. I’ve felt a little tired, and a little cranky at some point everyday. But not bad. So, if you asked me how I felt I would say “good.”
And then yesterday, I realized that I felt much better. I felt more normal. More like myself.
This is a physical sort of “feeling good.” But, it seems that I experience that in other ways – emotional and spiritual. I can go for long periods of time where I perceive that I am doing well only to have an “aha!” moment and realize that the absence of war is not peace. It is quite possible for me to turn off the war inside, refuse to feel, and go my merry way.
To be truly alive requires acknowledging both the pain and the joy – the love and hate of everyday life. It requires listening carefully to what these emotions tell me. It doesn’t allow for deadening the pain or tamping down the joy.
The same goes for my spiritual life… it’s not enough to just do the right things and say the right things and avoid saying bad words. Perhaps today I can be open to the Spirit and let her speak to me in the deepest parts of me. To allow myself to look at the good and the bad and be healed.
Then, perhaps, I can be truly alive.
by Liz | Sep 13, 2008 | main
I’m home again.
I’ve been reminded that the most peaceful, glorious place to be is with a baby and/or toddler asleep in your arms. The world is right; the universe is right; God is present. It creates the sense of resting in God – or perhaps God resting with you.
by Liz | Aug 17, 2008 | main
I have a new granddaughter! Ella was born about 1 am Saturday morning. That was joyful news to cap off a week of good news.
New babies are so totally unaware of the hope and joy they bear. They just exist, right there in the moment. A new little one, in this strange world of light and sound and touch, is just present. Free from knowing of the expectations that family, friends and the world will try to put on them. Free to be dependent on Mama. Open to being loved.
I’m looking forward to meeting baby Ella. I’m looking forward to spending a week helping out and spending time with her sister, Lily (not quite 2 years old). These new little lives, full of wonder, help me to remember to be full of wonder. They are a very real reminder that we must be as little children to enter the kingdom of God. And they example of how to do it.
Makes me want to shout “Alleluia!”
by Liz | Aug 15, 2008 | main
This week has brought much joy – much good news. There was a college graduation, a job offer, a contract on a house (in this market, that is cause for great joy) and the imminent arrival of a second granddaughter.
It also brought up my dispairing side. I found myself thinking – “OK – where’s the bad news? Life can’t be this good.” It seems I hold some deep-seated opinion that I am not worthy of having so many good things. I am not worthy. If there is joy in my life, sorrow must be lurking around the corner, ready to pounce.
I’ve been focusing on gratefulness. On accepting with joy the wonderful things that happen this week. Easier said than done. Even when I look back over the week, I see some frustration. The phone line was cut by the plumbers, and we had no phone or internet for 2 days. The work the plumbers were planning to do went awry.
Funny — looking back, those “bad things” just didn’t even register.
I am grateful. I am happy. I am thankful. And that’s a good space to live in.
