by Liz | May 6, 2008 | main
Holiness/Piety: Being in Love with God. Pure and simple.
It seems there are several substitutes for the real thing. I’m trying to get to the real thing (and no it’s not Coke). The kind of love relationship where you are happy or joyful just sitting with someone. I’m trying not to be led astray in this.
I don’t want to be in love with the Idea of religion, or the Idea of holiness, or the Idea of God. I’m not interested in sitting in church every chance I get pondering the idea of being holy. I’m not interested in saying prayers perfectly so that I can appear holy.
The way I might get distracted from the real thing is trying to do the right things without putting my heart into it. But this mechanical, routine method seems, in the end, to be quite hollow. I don’t want to go to mass or benediction just because it looks like the right and proper thing to do. I don’t want to go through the motions out of fear that if I don’t I’ll burn in hell.
And, I know I’m following a misguided path when I put on the trappings, do the right things but then turn around and disrespect those around me. I’m not holy when I judge others for the clothes they wear or the way they act or in any way put myself above them as judge or jury.
I’m looking for the REAL THING. I’m looking to meet God and form a relationship with her (or him – however you have to visualize God.) I desire to hear Her voice. It scares me often when I think about it, because I’m not so good at giving of my deepest self. It seems that to meet God and fall in love is going to require a lot of letting go of self, and that’s a really hard thing for me to do.
Writing for this blog seems to help. It forces me to put some form to my random thoughts. In a way it is a sort of incarnation: a way of putting flesh and bones on something, someone who is so awesome that my mind and my heart can’t handle it. Writing helps me to look beyond.
I had a friend who was deeply into contemplative prayer. When he was helping me to learn contemplation, he told me to think about how it felt to be with someone you love. He reflected on how just sitting next to that person, no words needed could be so comforting. Just sit and be with God.
It’s been a long time since I’ve talked with Dave, but I will be eternally grateful for his reflection on contemplation. I think I’ll take some time to sit with the Lord and just Be.
by Liz | Apr 28, 2008 | main
I am at a conference for work and traveling with a fellow who works done the hall. Breakfast conversation turned to the Catholic Church (he was raised Catholic) and faith and rules, etc. At one point he remarked that he hasn’t been to church in years because if one disagrees with so many of the rules why go?
Where else would I go? I’ve thought about this as I struggle with the rules and whether I can abide by them, or must follow my own way. And I consider that rules and rulings have changed throughout history. But, it focused me once again on why I stay: I need the community.
While faith and prayer are intensely personal, and require a personal relationship with God, it seems that the example of how to live that is only truly found in community. The Trinity is God as community. The Church lives out the individual vocations of its parts as community. Human life (except in really bizarre, artificial circumstances) requires the input of 2 people to create a new person. All life on earth is dependent on the ecosystem – the interaction of all the parts and pieces to create the proper environment for life.
Where would I go? I can’t come up with a satisfactory answer to that. I have no inner call to be a Christian of any other ilk than my current status as Roman Catholic. And so I stay, as one of many parts in the this one body… and I’ll just have to take that One Body, complete with scrapes, scars, warts and rashes mixed in with beautiful eyes, hands that take care of others, strong legs and feet. I can only hope to be a part of the that body that can help with healing the parts that need it — and allow myself to be healed when I need it.
We are many parts, we are all one body.
by Liz | Apr 21, 2008 | main
Yesterday I got a call asking me if I knew the praise song “Lord, I Lift Your Name on High” and if not, could I learn it. I’d heard it, so I went out to iTunes to get a copy so I could learn it. There were 107 different versions of this song. So, I picked the one that seemed most popular, bought it and proceeded to learn to sing and play it in a matter of minutes.
If you aren’t familiar, the words go like this (I hope I’m not in copyright trouble here):
Lord, I lift your Name on high
Lord, I love to sing Your praises
I’m so glad you’re in my life
I’m so glad you came to save us
You came from heaven to earth – to show us the way
From earth to the cross — to pay my debt
From the cross to grave, from the grave to the sky
Lord, I lift Your Name on high
I can’t get it out of my head. It’s swirling through my brain and has been for hours. I can only conclude that something about the words and the melody have (forgive me) struck a chord. There’s something inside that needs to praise the Lord. As it runs through my brain I am reminded of the idea that to sing is to pray twice.
And so, I’ll just continue to sing praises. That is quite the foundation to rest on when I’m wrestling with knotty questions and fuming about things I don’t understand and disagree with. It’s good to sit back and offer a good song of praise.
by Liz | Apr 18, 2008 | main
Today’s Gospel is one that comes to me often: Do not let your hearts be troubled… In the Father’s house there are many dwelling places… I will come back and take you with me..
And Thomas asks how to get there. “We don’t know where you are going. How can we know the way?”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life…”
There’s a story I read once about a man, a soldier shot down in the jungle with no idea where he was. A native of the area appears from the jungle and says “Follow me – I’ll get you out of here.”
When the soldier responds “You are going to show me the path to get out? You’ll take me to the road?” the native informs him that there is no path, no road. “Follow me. I am the way out of here.”
It is in the relationship with Jesus, with God that I will find my way to the mansion with many rooms – to the place prepared just for me. It’s not in the rote prayers, or the pious practices or the many books. There is no syllabus for this course.
Don’t leave me behind Lord. Let me continue to know you and walk with you so I can find my way home.
by Liz | Apr 17, 2008 | main
I learned to say this as a child I was baffled. If the Lord is my shepherd and He does all these wonderful things, why do I not want Him? If finally asked about this and of course was informed that I was misunderstanding the words – of course it’s not the Lord you don’t want – it’s that you won’t want anything else. Huh!
And most of the time this is true — if I turn to the Lord, I have what I need and want. But there are days when I become sinner extraordinaire. It seems that my original interpretation might be more accurate. The Lord is my shepherd but I’d really rather be left alone. Then I get into real trouble.
Not sure where I’m going with this, but it helps to reflect on the times when I want to be left alone. It also calls to mind some of the gospel message for this week. Jesus tells us that He came not to condemn us but to be Light for us. And basically it seems we convict ourselves.
Lord, help me to walk in Your Light and help me to be without want instead of not wanting You.
