by Liz | Feb 5, 2010 | main
Yesterday I went home at lunchtime not feeling great. Thought I’d lie down and nap for a few minutes. How did that work? I woke up 3 hours later, still not feeling so great.
As I would wake up briefly at intervals yesterday, I found these words always rolling through my mind (from Bernadette Farrell’s Oh God, You Search Me and You Know Me)
When I walk or lie down You are beside me…
In every moment of life and death You are
Actually very comforting on a rainy, grey afternoon when your whole body is aching and your stomach is doing flip-flops. Perhaps this is a glimpse of praying always. To wake up and realize that in every moment of life and death, God Is.
It’s a glimpse at YAHWEH – or I AM.
Good to remember.
by Liz | Feb 1, 2010 | main
Yesterday I noticed that a single friend was attired in a clothing with an impending “wardrobe failure.” That would be a seam by a pocket that was coming loose. Not something he had noticed, not essential to existence, by any means. I poked fun at him saying he “needed a wife.” That’s not an option for him, and he responded that he simply needed someone to cook and sew.
Maybe, it’s more a matter of needing a “keeper.” We all need one – I do, for sure. You know, someone to function as wife/mother to look at use lovingly before we face the world each day and say – “Are you wearing that?” (or “You’re not going out like that, are you!?” Someone to tuck in tags, check for rips and tears, someone to see us clearly where we are.
Guess that’s a bit of what God does for me, if I take the time in the morning to pray and be quiet. If I am open to his/her gaze she will show me the things that need attention. And it will be done in a loving way… If you ware going out into the world, at least know that the tag might be hanging out, or the shoes scuffed, the temper a bit on edge. Someone to remind me that I am loved.
De Colores!
by Liz | Dec 14, 2009 | main
The other day at mass, I was zapped! I heard the words “This cup, this bread SHARED is the Body of Christ…” The emphasis is what I heard. And, I heard it a couple of other times. Zing!
I look at the Bread and Wine, the Body and Blood of Christ at mass. I am a part of the Body and Blood of Christ not only at mass but as I move through my days and nights. But, in those instances I see a glimmer through the dark. This Body, this Blood, this bread, this wine becomes a living creature when it is shared. The action of sharing gives it an even more animated life.
In that past week or two, Krista Tippet interviewed a woman who is a chaplain working with rescue workers. It is her task to be with not only the workers, but with those who are waiting and praying for someone to be found. And she is with those who get the bad news. There was a story told as a part of this interview. During a time of grief the doorbell rings. There stands a nicely dressed gentleman with religious tracts – “Have you heard the Gospel?” This earned a door slammed in his face. The next time the doorbell rang, it was a neighbor with a plate of brownies. “I thought you might be able to use these just now.” The storyteller is overwhelmed by the presence of Christ in the action of giving in time of need. The sharing at a very human level.
In my own life this weekend I watched in awe as some of my dear friends not only joined us to celebrate my son’s marriage, but openly shared their time and energy with my mother. They took part in the festivities — but they spent time visiting with Mama, who isn’t as mobile as she would like to be. They traveled from out of town, and helped in so many ways — handling a video camera, getting chairs for people, being family alongside those of us who are related by blood and marriage. They don’t even know, it seems, that to me, they were that active, shared Body of Christ.
And so, I seek to share this body, I seek to be a part of the sharing. I pray that I can see what needs doing and act on it to bring this Love into a concrete reality.
by Liz | Nov 9, 2009 | main
Last week I had the opportunity to glimpse my 3rd grand child. I was invited along to the doctor visit to see the ultrasound. 10 weeks. About the size of a prune. Little heart beat visible. Itsy waved little arms around. You could pick out arms and the beginnings of fingers. Little legs.
Wonder. That’s the only way to describe my reaction. Wonder! This event went well beyond anything I could have anticipated. The only other time I remember something similar was standing on the south rim of the Grand Canyon and understanding the definition of “breathtaking.”
How seldom we experience real wonder. This is not an emotion that can be called up at will. To me, it’s a gift. In those moments of watching that black and white image on the screen and absorbing the reality that I was seeing a new life — that he was moving around with a beating heart and tiny fingers — I felt that God was standing with me, delighted in all She saw. In the days since, I have been brought back to that place again and again. A line from a song we use at church rolls through me – “For the wonder of who I am, I praise You.” It’s like, well, I begin to comprehend at a deeper level those words that I mouth – “I am loved. We are wonderful creations.” Even – “Jesus died for me.”
The only explanation I have is that this in this moment of wonder, the world was stripped away and I became aware of being in the presence of God. And that changes everything. That is the beginning of prayer.That is the place where my heart can be open and can be changed.
I read back over this and I fear I have babbled. And in some ways, I’m sure I have as there are no words to really wrap around the experience. And so, I’ll just leave the words as a pointer while I return to just be in that place again for a bit.
Amen.
by Liz | Sep 21, 2009 | main
Tonight is one of those where my mind doesn’t seem to want to shut down… I’m pondering many things, for no know reason.
It’s one of those nights when I consider my faith – what it is and what it is not. I wonder at why I believe at all. I wonder what I believe. It’s such a mystery.
Do I believe that Jesus died for me? Well… yes, I think so. But, it’s not a powerful, overwhelming thing. I know that my life is richer, fuller and just generally more livable because I accept to some degree that God love me for who and what I am — warts and all.
Do I believe that Mary had only one child? Maybe, maybe not. The devout and conservative members of my Church probably would not be pleased to hear that. But, really – it just doesn’t matter to me. That she said “yes” to becoming the mother of Jesus – that she said “yes” to those things that God asked of her – that matters. Whether or not she had other children ad even whether or not the Holy Spirit was assisted by Joseph matters not to me.
Tonight is a night where I wonder why I claim to be Catholic – or even Christian at all. And does it matter? This is not a great distressed cry. It’s more of an introspective look at myself and the world/universe around me. I come up with some interesting answers. Yes, I am a Christian — not because of the words of the Bible so much as the Word of God — shared with me by my brothers and sisters who also walk this way of life. The Scriptures are the witness of those who came before us. But what touches me more deeply are the words of John, Susan, Jack, Manda, Sandra, Rosie, Frances, Marty… the list goes on. The works of those around me touch me. And I know that there is more here than meets the physical eye.
I could go on and on and on — I believe that I must practice forgiveness. It’s hard to do, but it certainly makes life a lot easier in the long run. I believe that my vocation is to love, not be judge and jury. That leaves me free to really enjoy folks for who they are. That gives me the space to take the not-so-great parts along with the wonderful parts. That let’s me laugh at myself and with my friends.
And, on this restless night, I find I must remember that God has tried to answer two of my long standing prayers: I have long prayed for gentleness of spirit and to be able to “be” instead simply doing. Occasionally, I actually experience these states of being. And they are good.
And so, I shall get myself a drink of water. I shall sit quietly and make my peace with the day that has gone by. And, I will praise the Lord that I was created with the freedom to question all things.
‘night.
