Opening the Door
I was just catching up on Creo en Dios! after vacation and the week of reentry. The most recent post, Inviting Jesus In, certainly caused a flashback for me. It brought me back to a penance service over 10 years ago. At the time, I felt a dead inside as I think is possible while still breathig and walking and trying to raise a family. As I sat there (with a priest who is a friend) I found I couldn’t even start to find words. All I could say was an odd phrase: “Lord, widen the parameters.” It was a way of saying “Yes” and opening a door. A way of trying to become open to the possibility that life could be different. A way of trying to get under the shell I had built to protect myself from feeling the pain (or joy) of my existence.
As Susan observes, once you make the call, there’s little if any chance of going back. Jesus is already on the way. It’s not too late after all. When I asked for that help, I should have asked for a way to help me hold on to my hat. I was aware in that space that there was a 3rd person. It felt like I could reach out and touch Jesus sitting there with us. Within 30 minutes of leaving the confessional, I have to say that my life took a hard right turn and it’s truly not been the same since.
That’s not to say it’s been easy. Or the walk as been straight and well lit. Or that I haven’t tried to close the door again more than once. I asked for God to open that Pandora’s Box, as it were, and have found that the gifts inside can be seen as both good and bad, and that God will walk with me as I seek to deal with each of them.
Jesus indeed told me – “Wake up, child.”