Another layer of the proverbial onion started peeling off today. I’m not sure if I went digging, or just had some heat applied that caused old hurts to bubble to the surface. but it seems that I must look a bit deeper and try to let healing come to some very old hurts. These things need to be in the past, and quit bubbling up in the present.
A person well versed in Spiritual Direction once taught me that one can’t just forgive and forget. One must remember, walk back through the situation and remember in order to be able to forgive. Then, maybe you forget, or maybe you don’t. But you don’t forgive without remembering.
One problem I seem to have with that is that often it seems that I only remember the emotion – and have blocked what actually caused it. That makes real remembering a tough project. Today I managed to walk back through some situations, remember some details, and begin to understand why there is a lack of trust on my part. Got to talk this out, so I can put that behind me and allow the trust to grow in the present. Those kleenex can go to better use for a cold rather than tears that seep out when I hurt. Don’t need to carry the baggage… of course I still have to put it down, and I’m still hanging on the handle just yet.