I had a birthday last week. Another year added to my age. That doesn’t really bother me much – I certainly don’t feel my age very often, so the years are basically irrelevant. But then I look around at my friends and family, and suddenly realize that time is moving on.
Occasionally it seems ok to consider one’s mortality. To look at dreams and accept that some might still be within reach, and others not so much. One of my dreams is to hike the Appalachian Trail and another is to run a marathon (I don’t even have a time goal on that one – just finish without dying.) Hmmm… they must not be too vivid, because I haven’t actually done much toward achieving them.
Some of my dreams have to do with relationships – and I have control over only part of those dreams.
I suppose what brought me round to this line pondering was watching my mother and her cousin last night. They are getting on up in years. They’ve had snow white hair for decades (premature grey runs in that family) but somehow they seemed a bit more fragile. I hope I look half as good 20+ years from now when I’m that age, mind you. But still, something seemed to hammer at me.
Maybe it’s the renegotiating of relationships. With Mama moving to town, I’ve seen more of my sister in 3 weeks than I have in 3 years. This march onward, this journey is ever changing, but right now, it seems to be changing way too fast for me.
Or maybe it’s the other direction – my sister’s children are both getting married in the next 3 months. So, there are more shifts in relationships. My son and his wife are expecting a second daughter to arrive in August. That will make 2 granddaughters and I wish to be able to spend more time with the new generation.
It’s probably both.
And so, I meditate on those things that can anchor me as I feel tossed on these waves. I remember that when I was in a bad time that I always knew, just knew, that God would catch me if I would allow it. So, now that it’s not so much rough seas, but just moving along at an alarming clip, I need to remember that God will still catch me, if I only allow it.