“Life is difficult” (Scott Peck, opening sentence of “The Road Less Travelled”). Right now I wouldn’t be so polite. The human condition sucks. We are cracked pots that leak. We are fragile — we not only inadvertantly hurt others, but we take offense and are frightened of others. We spend inordinate amounts of emotional and psychic energy protecting ourselves from the possibility of being hurt (and in the process inflict damage on others). It seems the very act of trying to hold the pot together and stop the leaks makes them that much worse.
Right now, I am falling back on Jesus — God’s Love Incarnate. An actual human being who walked this earth an showed a way of living openly so that the cracks in the human pot don’t happen. A whole and complete human person in communion with God – completely. A person who was so completely open to God that he was willing to go as far as required to show us the way — even if we tried to kill him for daring to live in this relationship with God.
Sounds like I might be running from the issues. I don’t think so. It’s that the fear and anger have grabbed me recently in such a way that make me long for the wholeness. I don’t like it a bit when someone behaves erratically and scares me. I don’t like what I find in myself when I want to swing back and knock that other person on his butt. I hate being scared. I am scared and angry when another person is totally unpredictable. I cry. I can’t speak coherent sentences. And then the tears come again and I’m really upset because I can’t make them stop and my mascara runs and my eyes are red, and when that happens I can’t even hide my distress from others. It’s frustrating and embarrassing. It’s a complete loss of control. It let’s someone see how badly I hurt.
I could feel your pain as I read your thoughts. This is my first attempt to write anything in the group but I would love you to read/do ‘A Course In Miracles’ which has had a tremendous impact on my life. It’s the only thing that has explained clearly to me the difference between my ego and the REAL ME which is Spirit.
In the beginning the ego does not like what it is saying but if you can persevere, I’m sure it will help you understand, even slightly, that what we consider is the ‘real’ world is, in fact, an illusion.
I trust God with my life and hope some of my faith will pass on to you. God Bless You.
I will definitely add “A Course in Miracles” to my reading list. It’s interesting to read older posts and look back. I find that I write more often out of my pain than out of my joy. I must fix that — there is so much joy right now!
I look forward to hearing your views on the ‘Course in Miracles’.
God Bless You