I’ve been sitting with Susan’s post over on Creo en Dios — and considering how her words adapt to my reality. We come to this place from different roads. She was a cradle Catholic who left God and the Catholic Church, and returned. I started life in a Calvinist protestant environment (Presbyterian/Southern Baptist), made a choice in my teens to actually be a Christian, and by some twist of faith found my home the the Catholic Church.
I’m not so good at words as Susan but I get some feeling that we are trying to somehow explain similar feelings about this whole Catholic issue. The Church is Home. It is at some level Family. I disagree with many statements that come from Rome and USCCB. I cringe at many behaviors exhibited by those entrusted with the care and feeding of the members (I mean “care and feeding” in both physical and spiritual terms); I get ready to pack my bags and make my exit.
And then I stop.
“Where are you going?”
“Away to what?”
“Just away! Where I don’t have to put up with this hypocritical stupidity and corruption!”
“And where is that?”
At this point, I pause again. I cannot go. I came to this church primarily because of a certainty that the Mass, the Eurcharist, holds a lot more in it than my upbringing allows it to hold. That idea was both attractive and frightening.And it called me to “come” – not “go.” I have experienced the touch of God in Reconciliation.
And so, I stay. This is my home and family, warts and all. Not perfect. Sometimes grand, sometimes downright pathetic. There are many times I have to look beyond the visible manifestations of this Church and find the heart of it. I, like Susan, cannot for sure always say that I “need” to be Catholic, and for many of the same reasons. But, I am.