by Liz | Dec 13, 2010 | main
It’s already into the 3rd week of Advent, and I’ve not posted a thing. I’ve not settled enough at one level. But in other ways, I am very much into Advent.
I read on various blogs and other places about how we are awaiting something/someone much more developed than the Infant Jesus. And, this is true. However, for me, this year Advent seems focused on the infant and the child.
I have 3 granddaughters, aged 4 years, 2 years and 7 months. They are a source of great joy to me. And, a bit of a reminder of Advent. The baby, Genevieve, helps me to understand this expectation and hope the most (just as her cousins did 2 and 4 years ago.) I spent last week with her. Every day she becomes a bit more of herself. She explores her world. She would light up when her daddy called from Europe. She tried twelve ways to never to figure out how one gets oneself from prone or supine to sitting. She smiled, she laughed, she cried. By being there, I got to know her better. I had the chance to begin to see the little person she is becoming.
It’s rather that way with the Infant Jesus and Christmas and God the Father. You start with that infant. You put your hope in Him. You stay close and learn who he is becoming — especially who he is becoming in your own life. If you spend the time being close, you will experience the smiles, the laughter, the love, the tears. Therefore, I will stick with my images of a baby in a manger, of a new family making its way in this world, learning to trust and growing together. I am comfortable with the idea of starting at the beginning once again and walking the way once more. Maybe this segment of the journey I will learn a bit more how to trust and love and just be on the journey without understanding the map.
Oh — and, I’ll understand that you don’t always get to see the results first hand. Baby Genevieve finally pushed herself up to sitting only a few hours after I left.
by Liz | Oct 30, 2010 | main
Perseverance must be a virtue. Not an easy one for me, despite the fact that acknowledge it to be a virtue.
At times, I find it easier to persevere if I take the time to note the small things in life, so that I can look backward over the log of my life and see that a change has been made. This is helpful especially when change seems to be geologically sssllllooooowwww.
So, of late, I decided to get a handle on eating and maybe lose some weight. I’ve done all manner of diets. I know what types of things I should eat. I also know what things I really like to eat. If I take the time to inspect it, I even know that some of those comfort foods and yummy stuff leave me feeling bloated, uncomfortable or just miserable. In light of past failures, I simple started logging everything I eat. It’s amazing what you won’t eat if you have to write it down! And amazing what you don’t really miss when that happens.
Now for the perseverance part: like everyone who desires to become a lighter, smaller version of themselves, I want to see results. This is where the keeping track actually helps in the long run. If I look at things everyday, I lose the perspective that things have actually changed over the past month. On the other hand, on a daily basis I check for the little things that I want to change — a slightly looser waistband, less effort to tie my shoes, actually doing all of the jumping jacks and hops in a Zumba class.
I’m sure the same is true of my spiritual journey — I just have to take the time take notice and take note so that I can see that ever so slightly, I make a bit of a change along the way. Nothing earth shattering, but more of an evolution where something drops from importance and some other vision begins to take hold of my hand and lead me on my path.
by Liz | Oct 10, 2010 | main
I have a favorite commercial right — I think is a Subaru commercial. I’m more sure it is a car company commercial.
The scene is the father leaning into the window of the parked car, saying things like: “Buckle your seat belt.” and “Are your mirrors adjusted?” The focus shifts to a young girl (maybe 7 or 8 years old) sitting in the driver’s seat, smiling at daddy, but looking a bit like she already knows all this, or knows it all. Back to dad saying “Call when you get there, but don’t use the phone while you are driving” — and then you see that she’s not a youngster, but a teenager — far more grown up than Daddy sees her.
It’s so true. Yesterday I went to my neighbor’s daughter’s wedding. Emily is a lovely young woman — a college graduate. A grown-up. The ceremony was lovely and Christ centered. But, I still see that toddler. I still see the 6 year old at my door asking if I want to buy Girl Scout cookies. Just as I often think of my own children as laughing toddlers or little ones struggling to swim all the way across the pool. I still see them running through the house with baby hooded bath towels streaming behind them like superman capes. Never mind that they are all married, home owners and 2 of the 3 have children.
I wonder – does God see that child in me? I suspect God sees through all of the grown-up trappings I put on right into the child that was fascinated by watching a cat give birth to kittens — the child who fell off the porch into a forsythia bush and was terrified by the event. And that is good.
Jesus told us that to we must become as little children to come to God. I hope I can still remember what it means to be that little child myself.
by Liz | Jun 1, 2010 | main
The express purpose of this blog is contained in the title: I’m working on a Journey to [find] Myself. Simple. Huh?
Of late, it seems that everything I pick up to read is pointing me to either “be who I is” or “know myself.” And, some days, I even believe I get a tiny glimpse. But, most days, I’m clueless. What does this mean? How does one know get to know herself? How do I get out of the judging mode? How to stop the expectations that I place on myself? Or the expectations that I think others place on me? How? I know I’ve been on this part of the circle before. The cycle of becoming aware only to lose some of that awareness once again.
I have experienced, of late, the very solid sense that I am indeed in the right spot — in a good spot. I have a very rooted feeling that I followed through with retiring from the Library at the right time, for the right reasons… or might that be better phrased — It happened at a good time for good, positive reasons. I think about my exit interview and reflecting on a change of attitude, a change in point of view concerning something. And, I remember a heartfelt response from my interviewer of “That was quite a journey.” And, yes, it was.
I’ve read a lot lately, now I must move on to practicing. I must make the time to center myself. I must find a schedule that gives me a bit of time to pray on a regular schedule. I pray — but, it seems time to try to make that a more organized pursuit. To give it a priority. Rather like the priority I’ve given my gym schedule. I go. Five days a week. Even if I don’t really feel like it at times. That has become the rule — the exceptions are the days where I must meet other obligations like staying with my daughter and granddaughter; or keeping up with Lily and Ella. Otherwise, life is scheduled with my priorities in mind.
So, it must become with prayer… and journalling.
And, then, maybe, I can begin to get a glimpse of “who I is.”
by Liz | Apr 26, 2010 | main
Can’t decide what is most in my mind today… making note of how my latest pass at following the South Beach diet is going, or making note of the the connectedness of all of creation. I think I’ll indulge myself and begin with the former.
This is day 1 of week 2 of Phase One of South Beach. That’s the stage that gets well and truly BORING – lean meat, veggies (but no carrots or sweet potatoes), no fruit, no bread or other starchy items. No Sugar. Lots of lowfat cheese, lots of eggs. And, of course, I seem to be losing less than hoped in this initial stage. Drat!
With that out of the way, I’m remembering the joys of “eating right.” When I’m noticing that I’m hungry, I am. Not the crashy, GOT TO EAT NOW AND FAST hungry, but still hungry. Most of the sensation of an overfull abdomen is gone. I sat on the bed last night to watch my 2 Sunday shows and discovered that I could do so without pain – without reflux. Joy!
And this morning in Zumba, I found myself doing far more of the jumping jack type moves, more hops, more of everything. Woohoo! The goal of having the jeans get looser is accompanied by the desire to do all of the Zumba class without pause and to enjoy it even more than I do now. It’s coming along slowly.
To get to the heart of it all, I’m looking at this as a way to facilitate ditching that extra layer of protection I carry around almost like another person. Gotta get rid of that. Gotta be just me. It is all a part of that Journey to Myself that I am on. It’s a part of finding the “me” that exists whether I work at the library or work from home or don’t even work at all. It a part of finding the “me” that is the same whether I’m daughter or sister or mother or grandmother. It’s learning to listen to the quiet, still voice that assures me that the person hiding in here is loved without having to earn it — and being willing to let her out.
I’ve been at this part of the spiral before… it seems good to find myself at this part of the circular path once more only a bit closer to the center.
