by Liz | Mar 23, 2010 | main
Today’s readings have always been confusing to me: first there is the tale of the Israelites complaining about being in the desert with bad food, so God sends seraph serpents that bite them. The cure turns out to be raising the very cause of the bites, the serpent, up and gazing at it. ( Book of Numbers 21:4-9) — and the second is from the Gospel of John 8:21-30, where Jesus essentially indicates that we must look at him (and his suffering) to come to know God (I AM.)
Of late, it seems though, that begin to get a glimpse of understanding. For much of my life I have tried to sidestep those things that make me angry, to avoid the people and things that are hurtful. In retrospect, it really did me no favors. For that matter, it seems to have been at the root of my episodes with depression. The way out proved to be shining a light into those dark corners, looking closely at the monsters and basically walking through the fear and pain instead of pushing it aside or trying to bury it. The way to God seems to be by looking at and absorbing the cross in order to get to the Resurrection.
I’ll be pondering this as we are rapidly approaching Holy Week –Palm Sunday through the Cross to Easter.
by Liz | Feb 18, 2010 | main
It’s one of THOSE days — where all the negative keeps pushing to the surface. All those issues I thought I had dealt with and put down keep trying to get back on board. It’s not like I can say I’m being persecuted for righteousness sake — that would be a lie.
That said, I’ll just go forward, one foot in front of the other. I will remind myself that Love is a decision that may or may not be accompanied by a good feeling. I will remind myself that emotions are not controllable — they are what they are and they often have something to tell me about where I am. But, they are not me. Let me say that again to myself: my emotions are not Me. They might be a part of Me, but they are not ME.
OK — so, maybe Day 2 will be a bit more smooth.
by Liz | Feb 4, 2010 | main, Reading List
I just finished Anne Rice’s Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt a couple of days ago. An interesting read. I’m not sure I would have derived the same story were I writing a fictional recollection of this period of the life of Jesus of Nazareth, but she does a wonderful job of giving insight into what it is like to begin to discover oneself… especially as a child. And especially as a child where people are reticent to give you some of the information.
It’s quite hard to explain — the best thing is to read it yourself and ponder how each of us learns who we are from within and without.
by Liz | Aug 14, 2009 | main
OK – so I lifted this straight out of Creo en Dios! — because Susan’s reflection really rang true.
I never really liked Chutes and Ladders — so arbitrary. Roll the dice. Move forward. Land on a ladder and jump up. Land on a slide (chute) and down you go. No skill. All luck. No safety until you actually reach 100 and finish. No real control.
Rather like life.
Not my favorite aspect of life at all. I want the control. I want to believe that if I follow the rules and work hard, I’ll be guaranteed success. I won’t ever slip backward. Not fair! Makes me mad when I find that I’ve taken a slide — physically, emotionally or spiritually. I thought I had earned my position by doing good. Never mind the unearned boost that comes in the form of a ladder. I worked hard, I should get the boost.
But life doesn’t actually work that way, does it? Some days I plod along. Some days I am gifted with a great boost. And, just when I think the timing is bad, or I jut don’t believe I could get tripped up and backslide – bam! there I go. So, the only thing left to do is pick myself up and start forward again. That’s not easy when the black dog of depression tries to grab at me, or when the day just goes all wrong through no fault of my own. Take a step forward. Hope for those moments of light and joy that come unearned. Take a step forward.
This journey is more about accepting both the chutes and ladders than getting to 100. That’s not how I looked at it as a child. Lots of days I forget that as an adult. But, I am beginning to be able to see it more often than before. That might just be progress.
oops – another chute.
by Liz | Jul 23, 2009 | main
Last night I decided to try to recast a webpage that someone had created in Flash into html/css. Now, if those terms mean nothing to you, don’t worry. Just know that it was a decontruction/reconstruction exercise. A brain stretch to look beyond the final appearance and discover different ways to divide the pieces and put them back using a different set of rules… only the goal is to have the end result to appear the same. Smoke and mirrors. A phone that looks like a rotary dial, but is in reality a touch tone.
The point being that I stretched my brain to look beyond the images on the page and re-evaluate how I saw them. I had to take a function that is most easily represented by plain, squared-off rectangles and make it pretty. Or, was it that I took something really pretty and complex and broke it into little functional boxes? In the end, I see it quite differently than I did before. I hope that when someone else sees it, that they will not see it differently. The viewer just needs to know that it works well.
In the end, I’m not totally sure that the way I went about the project is going to be an effective solution. But, the process was worthwhile. To borrow from the original author of the thing I was working on:
Brain stretching is never wasted– sometimes you end up applying what you learned to something totally different from what you thought you were working on!
Now, back to the journey (which, it seems is more important than reaching the final destination.)
