by Liz | Mar 23, 2010 | main
Today’s readings have always been confusing to me: first there is the tale of the Israelites complaining about being in the desert with bad food, so God sends seraph serpents that bite them. The cure turns out to be raising the very cause of the bites, the serpent, up and gazing at it. ( Book of Numbers 21:4-9) — and the second is from the Gospel of John 8:21-30, where Jesus essentially indicates that we must look at him (and his suffering) to come to know God (I AM.)
Of late, it seems though, that begin to get a glimpse of understanding. For much of my life I have tried to sidestep those things that make me angry, to avoid the people and things that are hurtful. In retrospect, it really did me no favors. For that matter, it seems to have been at the root of my episodes with depression. The way out proved to be shining a light into those dark corners, looking closely at the monsters and basically walking through the fear and pain instead of pushing it aside or trying to bury it. The way to God seems to be by looking at and absorbing the cross in order to get to the Resurrection.
I’ll be pondering this as we are rapidly approaching Holy Week –Palm Sunday through the Cross to Easter.
by Liz | Mar 23, 2010 | main
In the past week, I’ve spent time at the beach, in the Magic Kingdom, at the zoo and then dwelling on holy ground at Holy Trinity (Alabama) where I was on the team for a women’s Cursillo. Now, for at least the next week or so, in my current “real world” of working at the the library. ReEntry into this world from another. Sometimes, I get a glimpse of the disciples wanting to stay on the mountaintop after the transfiguration. Wouldn’t we all?
Each of the places I went last week were “magical” in different ways. The first part of the week was spent in the company of my granddaughters, aged 3 1/2 and 18 months. For a 3 year old, wearing a Cinderella dress as she watched the night parade what can be more magical can getting a kiss from Peter Pan and waves from Cinderella and even seeing Tinkerbell up close? And to be there with her parents and grandparents, to boot! The younger one, Ella, fell in love with the carousel horses. Just her speed to ride double with Mémère around and around and around. I remember the first time I went — I was already the mother of their daddy, who was 3, and I felt the magic.
But, in a very different way, the end of the week was “magical” in it’s own way. The Blessed Trinity Shrine Retreat House is truly build on Holy Ground… even back in the 17th century for a time (during the Spanish exploration) a mission cross stood and mass was said. It’s been holy ground for me for more than 30 years and the sense of being in God’s presence breaks through into our world so strongly there that, for me, it jumps out. To spend 3 days wlaking with women as they begin to see how much Jesus loves them is amazing. To be allowed to be one of the messengers is true gift.
And so, just like our newest pilgrims, I find myself back in the “real world” again… but bringing with me the vision of the “magic” and that’s makes all the difference in the world.
by Liz | Feb 18, 2010 | main
It’s one of THOSE days — where all the negative keeps pushing to the surface. All those issues I thought I had dealt with and put down keep trying to get back on board. It’s not like I can say I’m being persecuted for righteousness sake — that would be a lie.
That said, I’ll just go forward, one foot in front of the other. I will remind myself that Love is a decision that may or may not be accompanied by a good feeling. I will remind myself that emotions are not controllable — they are what they are and they often have something to tell me about where I am. But, they are not me. Let me say that again to myself: my emotions are not Me. They might be a part of Me, but they are not ME.
OK — so, maybe Day 2 will be a bit more smooth.
by Liz | Feb 13, 2010 | main
In her post this morning, Maintaining Wide Boundaries, Susan reflects on the views of an Episcopal bishop on the belief that it is better to have a few heretics in church than to push people out. The goal is to keep people in dialogue and therefore keep alive the possibility of conversion and allow God’s love to work. And that conversion, to me, seems to be something that can happen on either or both sides of disagreement.
In the past, I have felt “pushed out.” In reality, I did move from one parish to another by my choice, but that choice was tempered by a strong, painful sense of being pushed to the door and having it held open for me. It was driven by a need to find a home where I felt welcomed, even when I wasn’t necessarily agreed with. In the long run, it was “a good thing” — and my new home opened many doors and paved the way for a deeper understanding of God’s love. Eventually, with this support, I could make my peace with the other community. I could be transformed and forgive. It took a long time, but seldom, it seems does real conversion happen in an instant. It is a process.
And process is what I see the Bishop talking about. I have watched and listened as members of my family, who are members of the Episcopal Church, have made their own way through the upheavals in their church. I am always impressed when I see them love their church, even when they are concerned. I see them struggle to understand the way that others live out their faith. They love their community, warts and all. They are transformed in their own struggle.
Thanks Susan — I needed to read this reflection this morning.
by Liz | Feb 11, 2010 | main
Todays gospel (Mark 7:24-30) has always bothered me. It relates the story of a gentile woman, a mother, who begs Jesus to banish the unclean spirit from her daughter. And Jesus answers, initially, that it’s not right to give the food for the children to the dogs. After she pursues the request, stating that even the dogs get to eat the crumbs that fall at the children’s feet, he sends her on her way with the child having been healed.
This just doesn’t fit into my image of Jesus or God. Sorry. I know that God doesn’t have to fit my image, but really – this just strikes me as so far off the mark. Is it just showing that Jesus, too, was having to grow in understanding of God’s Love? Is it there to remind us that each one has the responsibility to point out truth to the powers that be? I don’t know.
What I do know is that it eats at me. This vignette forces me to look beyond simply because it seems so very wrong and out of place. Hence, I do ponder the idea that it could be illustration that everyone, even the Christ, must grow in God’s Love — that we don’t start with the full picture, and probably never have the full picture. I ponder whether it is meant [at least for me] as a reminder that instruction and insight can come from the most unexpected quarter. This woman was an outsider, a stranger, not one of the blessed, ordained bearers of Truth. And yet, she proclaims Truth – maybe from wisdom, maybe from desperation, maybe from selfishness. But, she fights for what she knows to be needed and knows to be True. And her child is saved.
I live in hope that I will both listen and speak when I know it has to be done.
