Competition: The birds in my yard are not happy with me
The jays, mockingbirds and brown thrashers out back are not pleased with me these days. It has nothing to do with my playing Angry Birds (oh, yes, I’ve been playing Angry Birds and enjoying slingshotting birds of various capabilities with varying success at blowing up green pigs in all sort of houses… but I digress).
We have blueberry bushes out back, with an abundance of berries which are ripening up nicely. The birds and I disagree over who should get most of the crop. So, a couple of days ago we covered the bushes with bird netting to inhibit the birds’ ability to steal the berries. They have squawked and fussed at me. I have run at them flapping my arms like a human scarecrow. I’m winning, I think.
Competition for resources is a part of life. My spiritual life leads me to try to live in the parameters of “share” and there will be enough for everybody (even the birds, I guess). But, for now, I’m taking the hard line. There is other food for those birds in my yard. There is enough to go around. I just want the blueberries. The birds can have the worms, the grubs, the pine nuts, the acorns — the nectar (I saw a humming bird the other day).
Something to ponder… while I eat the blueberries.
Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Latitude
(with apologies to Jimmy Buffet)
I’ve recently been on a campaign to get rid of the extra padding I carry around — physically. So, I signed up with a weightloss clinic, where I pay more than I should for a program to redo my eating habits and drop pounds at a rate that keeps me inspired to stick with it. I suppose that if it works, where not much else ever has, then maybe it is not that overpriced.
So, this morning I looked in the mirror and felt like the changes were evident. That’s good, but it is also something that requires me to step back and evaluate. I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. I feel so much lighter, I almost have to fight the urge to say “this is good enough.” and be done. But it’s not. I’m on this journey and I have a goal in mind. So, I’ll stick with it.
Funny thing about goals: you have to see where you are so you know what’s necessary to change/do to get there. And sometimes that goal is sort of fuzzy: you think you know what you’ll have when you reach it, but the closer you get, it seems to change on you. So, if I lose 50-60 lbs, just what will I have? And will I keep it?
Already I see my blood pressure dropping. It was never a problem on a generic scale, but it was higher than I was accustomed to. Not in the “high blood pressure” range, but in the “high blood pressure for Liz” range. So, I know I’m making progress.
I’m wearing clothes I haven’t worn in years. Not that’s hope: just the fact that I still have some of these clothes in the closet!
But the attitude that I must keep in mind is this: Many people seem to exercise to lose weight. I am losing weight because I love exercise — and less weight means I can do more, and I hope to do things that I couldn’t do at a higher weight. I’d love to water ski successfully again, I’d love to snow ski (I’ve only been once), and I think I really like to try a ropes course. Not to mention attempting a marathon or at least a half-marathon. And, I already see that I can complete a Zumba class without dying… and I am beginning to be able to hold a plank position for more than 10 seconds (Just a matter of pride there).
Still, on occasion I just want to BE DONE. I don’t embrace the process 24/7. My patience runs short. I still need to work on the attitude whilst changing the latitude.
God’s Humor
I am living a what would be a really perfect existence for many faithful RC women: I have a living spouse, 3 grown children and 3 granddaughters. My husband is active in our local parish and in the Cursillo movement. All 3 children and spouses are Catholic (mostly practicing) and all 3 little girls are baptized in the Catholic Church.
So, why do I think God has a sense of humor?
So many people I know would love to be in this situation. Me? It’s good, but not at all necessary. Yes, I desire that my family know that they are children of God and live in that love. But, they are on their own paths, and be that in the Catholic Church, or in any Christian community, or any other community that lives and shares the love of God — it just doesn’t matter.
And so, while it makes me happy, I wonder why it is? I struggle so hard with the RC Church — with the scandals, the at times almost incomprehensible [to me] actions and decisions of the hierarchy and with those who seem bent on returning the church to one that I wouldn’t even recognize (I am a post Vatican II convert who thinks that I could never have been a pre-Vatican II Catholic). And here I sit – surrounded.
It just strikes me as a rather humorous situation… it’s likely that God knows better what I need than I do. No, not just likely — She does.
Every day sacred
On my way to mass this evening, I had to stop to get gas. Distressing to see what it costs to fuel my car! Besides, I got notice that I was needed to play for mass in mid-afternoon and I wasn’t in a joyful, positive state of mind to begin with. There was a tornado watch in effect. I was tired, and grumpy and just generally out of sorts.
The rain was falling, but just as I finished filling the tank, the sun burst through the clouds. The rain began to fade away. And right there at the Exxon station, I was treated to a full blown, full arc, double rainbow. I had to step out and just gaze at it. My mood began to transform immediately and I thought to myself “Wow! God is reminding me of that there is good everywhere.”
On to mass. Running late. Couldn’t find the second page of the communion hymn. Somebody had made a major mess of the numbers for the hymnboard. No time to check my tuning on my guitar. Went to set the cell phone to silent and saw a missed call from my youngest child who was in an automobile accident yesterday (not his fault, thank goodness). My emotions are hanging out all over my face.
And Fr. Jack proceeds to focus the homily on how God shows up in the most unexpected places (water from a rock in the desert? get real!). Nothing spectacular required. God is present in wine, water, bread and oil. How common and basic can you get? And I thought of the rainbow.
Out of nowhere the sacred is injected into life. In a shared meal, a surprise rainbow, a baby’s smile. Life is good. There is hope.
Alleluia!
Balancing Act
Or Discerning when the answer to “Here I am Lord. Is it I Lord?” is “Not you, not now.”
I’m just back from being a part of the team for a Women’s Cursillo Weekend. The spring weekends in this diocese are held over at the Blessed Trinity Shrine Retreat which is a spot that I firmly believe to be Holy Ground. And, as so often happens when we put ourselves on holy ground, some interesting insights occur.
Listening to one of my “Sistas” (inside joke, sista!) talk, had a bit of understanding sink in. It might be difficult at times to be the leaven in the situation or function as the salt of the earth in a particular spot… and that is ok. Do it. But, at the same time, it might just be that the answer is: this one is not mine to fix. I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. And until I follow my own path to the right place, I can in no way be that leaven or salt.
It’s approaching the 1 year mark since I left a position I had for nearly 26 years. I know that I am more at peace inside. I know this was the right thing to do. The choice of when to leave was a difficult one, true. But, I’m really not looking back. I have a couple of folks that I keep contact with, but, essentially it was time to let go.
In that work situation, I was so often frustrated because I would find myself being the source of discontent and disruption. I didn’t want to be. I had just gotten to that place where I had to admit that it was time to change. It seems that I had to let go of a lot of things: my seniority (fat lot of good that was doing), a place to go everyday (that had gotten oppressive), an area of expertise that I had never sought (I knew my stuff, I was good, I really didn’t have a personal interest in it); But, these things were some of the building blocks of how I defined myself. And as I struggled with these, and other issues, I was unable to be a light, or to be a positive influence on my situation. As Christians, we often know the call to bloom where you are planted; we often know the call to be an agent of change. We don’t always honor it, but we probably suspect that it is there.
And so, I had to learn/accept that it was time to let go. Move on. We can’t give what we don’t have. So, I had to understand that in this case, the question “Is it I Lord?” was blessedly “Nope. Not you. Not now.” What a relief!
Interesting aside: Recently, I’ve had the experience of people coming up to me and remarking that they see transformation in me. Whoa! I see it in another friend who made the same sort of change at about the same time — but it is good to have the affirmation in my own life. Perhaps I can now be a bit of salt and light in this world.